The Beginning....

April 18, 2012 - It's a Boy!!! We had our routine ultrasound to determine the sex, measure that everything was on track, etc...everything went well except for the fact that he was in no mood to cooperate with the tech. So she said we would take another little peek at the 5/1 visit so that she could finish getting all of the pics of his heart that she needed.

May 1, 2012 - Lacie and I pack up to head to Charlotte for a routine prenatal visit for Baby Boy. I promised her we'd go to the park if she was a good girl and then maybe we could stop by a few shops to find a nice prego dress for Andy & Andrea's wedding. We started with the "quick peek" and that is where our story begins. Now - those of you that know me well, know that I plan. I plan for everything. Admittedly, so much so that it is perhaps my biggest fault. If I had any reason to worry about this visit, I would have somehow figured a way to prepare myself for it but I didn't - which allowed what happened next to knock the breath out of me like nothing ever before. After about 10 minutes of silence, I finally ask, "Is everything OK?" .... "Well I think I need to send you next door." she replies. "What is next door?" .... "Our high risk OB office." The panic started - who? ... what?....why? Quickly, I noticed that Lacie was freaking out a little herself at this point. She dropped my phone that she was so patiently playing with and was on her way up the table to find out why I was upset. A few deep breaths later, I heard the tech say, "Let's go see Dr. Goldman." (my regular OB). Without going through all of the details, he told me that he and the tech thought Baby Boy only had 3 chambers to his heart. After all of the different views and getting him to move, they just couldn't see the 4th chamber. They still had hope that maybe it was just their machine though so they were sending me next door for a second opinion/closer look. Now, I'm no cardiologist but I knew that 3 chambers was NOT GOOD and in my "lay" mind, did not seem like something that could be fixed. I again start to panic and call Jason to make the 30 minute drive himself. How was I going to hear this news by myself and keep Lacie calm at the same time?

We begin the 2nd ultrasound at the high risk OB office. This was a LONG ultrasound. She measured EVERYTHING. I immediately liked her because she was very descriptive about what she was seeing, no long periods of silence. Then she says, "There ARE four chambers!" I could've kissed her! But instead, I kissed Jason. We both cried. What a relief. She finished up and said her doctor just had to come in and take a look and we should be all set to go. Enter my worst nightmare. Stage Left. "I do see 4 chambers but his pulmonary artery is very large." This sentence was followed by at least a solid minute of grimaces, loud sighs and head rubbing. Finally, he says "I think the baby has Ebstein's Anomaly." He proceeds to tell us that it is a chromosome disorder where the pulmonary artery is enlarged. Jason asks him what that meant for our baby and he responded with "It's not good." At that moment, my head was spinning so fast I didn't even have time to be upset at how cold and harsh he was in delivering that news. All I could think was what "not good" meant. The next few minutes are a blur. I asked Jason to take Lacie outside so she wouldn't see me that upset and the Dr. began spouting things out of his mouth like "I'm very confident - go to our main office uptown to confirm - pediatric cardiologist - amnio - you have decisions to make"

Fast forward to 1:30 - by this point, Linda (Jason's Mom) has come to Charlotte to pick Lacie up and we are at the main office uptown waiting to see a pediatric cardiologist. Enter our ray of hope that day. Stage Right. The cardiologist comes in and he and the other high risk OB proceed to analyze Baby Boy's heart in slow motion, from 15 different angles, pause, start again....this went on for at least 15 minutes. All I could think was about making flash cards like I did in college to learn all of this new terminology. FINALLY - they are ready to talk. They are "very confident" that it is NOT Ebstein's but it could be Aortic Stenosis. Essentially, it is an optical illusion. The pulmonary artery looks enlarged because in fact the aorta is too small. The spectrum of severity for this CHD (congenital heart defect) is extremely broad. The mildest end resulting in a monitoring approach and the worst end resulting in surgery right after birth to insert a balloon into the aorta to open it.

Now- to the good news.

1-As long as Baby Boy is in my tummy - there is no threat to him. His heart does not have to pump blood in utero like it does once he is born.

2-The prime time to do an echo cardiogram on a fetus is 23-24 weeks so the fact that they caught it when they did allows us to have a very clear picture/idea of what we are dealing with before birth. This is scheduled for May 23rd. Once we do this, we will have a consultation and start laying out our plan for birth.

I wanted to start this blog to begin documenting Baby Boy's story for our little family - meaning Jason, Lacie, BB and I. However -I do think it will be a good way to keep friends/family updated as well as we start on this journey. As of now- we are in a holding pattern until the 23rd when we can get some concrete answers and a better idea of what we are dealing with. Which is why I named this "Leap of Faith." There really is no other way to describe the feeling. For a Type A personality such as myself to realize I have no control over this and completely let go of the anxiety/fear is like taking a running leap off of the highest cliff in the Grand Canyon. Unimaginable to me now but my hope is, that at the very least, over the next few months I come to realize that this is God's plan. Not mine.